If You are Wrong Admit It: The Dale Carnegie Method

Commentary: This is a continuing series of posts reviewing Dale Carnegie's book 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'. This program is attractive in professional relationships due to it's time tested advice for those moving up the ladder of success. I have been introduced to Dale Carnegie training not once but twice. I attended Naval Aviation Officer Candidate School or AOCS during 1988 through which Dale Carnegie principles were first introduced to me, at least in part. Years later during 1999, I attended the Dale Carnegie school and coursework introducing me again to the Dale Carnegie method and principles. I will be detailing only one principle a week in a shorter post in order to for you to digest the information. This series may be reviewed at All the Principles in One Post

If You are Wrong Admit It

Carnegie points out that when you are wrong you can turn the tables by admitting you are wrong quickly and empathetically. He provides an example when a police officer lectured him for not having his dog on a leash and not wearing a muzzle. However, Carnegie liked to run with his dog and the dog did not like the muzzle or the leash. Carnegie got away with this in the park for sometime before encountering the officer again. The park was empty and the dog ran ahead of Carnegie right into the mounted police officer. Carnegie responded by admonishing himself and admitting his errant way. The officer reacted in a kind manner giving him a pass since the park was empty. Carnegie claims it is better to beat the other person to the punch. It is easier to bear self-criticism than to be condemned by another.

Carnegie points out that fools try to defend mistakes. Admitting one's mistakes gives one a sense of nobility and exultation. It raises one above the herd. There is a certain degree of satisfaction of having the courage to admit one's errors. It not only clears the air of guilt and defensiveness but helps solve the problems caused by the error.

When we are right we should win people to our side gently and tactfully. When we are wrong, that is surprisingly often, be honest and admit quickly and with enthusiasm. It is a lot more fun to clear the air than defend an errant position. You'll be surprised by the results and you will get more by yielding than arguing.

Principle 12: If you are wrong admit it quickly and empathetically

Commentary: Your objective in your relationships is to move forward productively. Being unyielding and defensive are character qualities that do not move things forward. Admit errors and forgive people. Sometimes there are people who are difficult to work with. These relationships are sensitive and require special handling. Almost always in these cases the difficult person has a combination of security, esteem, and recognition issues. You will need to assess those situations and handle them in ways unique to the individual.

References:

Carnegie, D. (1981). How to win friends and influence people. New York: Pocket Books.