Let the Other Person Save Face: The Dale Carnegie Method

Commentary: This is a continuing series of posts reviewing Dale Carnegie's book 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'. This program is attractive in professional relationships due to it's time tested advice for those moving up the ladder of success. I have been introduced to Dale Carnegie training not once but twice. I attended Naval Aviation Officer Candidate School or AOCS during 1988 through which Dale Carnegie principles were first introduced to me, at least in part. Years later during 1999, I attended the Dale Carnegie school and coursework introducing me again to the Dale Carnegie method and principles.  I will be detailing only one principle a week in a shorter post in order to for you to digest the information. This series  may be reviewed at All the Principles in One Post

Let the Other Person Save Face

Letting others save face in awkward, embarrassing, and/or sensitive situations is vitally important. How few ever stop to think about this? So many people ride rough shod over other people's feelings in efforts to get our own way. We find fault, issue threats, criticize people in front of others, without even considering the hurt to other people's pride and dignity. Whereas for a few minutes' of thought, a considerate word, a genuine understanding of the other person's attitude would go far to alleviating the sting. 

Even if we are 100% right and the other person is 100% wrong, we destroy ego, dignity, and pride by causing someone to lose face. True leaders will always;

Principle 26: Let the other person save face

References:

Carnegie, D. (1981). How to win friends and influence people. New York: Pocket Books.

Assessing Baseline Comeback Skills: Comebacks at work

Commentary: The work place has become a challenging place today. People are on edge, tempers flare, and in some cases the competitiveness has taken a hostile direction.  Simply good communication skills is not enough.  Professionals must become skilled at handling difficult people and in many cases corporate psychopaths.

This series of postings will discuss using communication methods to gain control of circumstances and reduce your chances of becoming a target. We will cover ten (10) chapters in the book "Comebacks at Work" over the next several weeks. I'll attempt to couple these when appropriate with other authors works such as Dale Carnegie.

Assessing Baseline Comeback Skill

You got to begin somewhere. We have established each of us are 75% responsible for how people treat us. So we need to establish how effective we are currently at coming up with what to say. In short, we will need to assess several things such as our ability to sense the circumstances, types of characters, and anticipate comments.

We want to monitor for our own reactions since they not effective responses. This begins with understanding our ability to sense the circumstances. There are two scales we need to consider when comments are made. There are more but this a start. The first is the intent scale that ranges from accidental to purposeful. The book uses intentional but I am going to change it to purposeful since the intention has a purpose. Purpose is the motivator that we will be concerned with. The second is the demeanor scale that ranges from slightly offensive to insulting. Both scales are much broader. We will be focused the portion of the scale that causes conflict, angst, and trouble for us.

When assessing a comments placement on these scales, your goals must be considered. The placement on the scales is subjective to the goals and the relationship with the person making the comment. Once you have gauged the placement on the scales then you can select the appropriate response.

Commentary: There are many possible responses the book offers. Remember in project management your goal is to move the project forward.  The structure of a response that moves the project forward should frame the comment then recast it in a positive light then endear people to a higher motive, principle, or purpose.

You should practice responses by reflecting on actual comments, writing down several response variations and ranking them based on effectiveness. You want to avoid defensive comments, weak positions, insulting jabs, threats, or empowering responses. The use of "I" too many times is often an indicator of a defensive posture. The effort is to make the messenger stop and think about the remark. There are numerous  methods of handling them some are:

Alteration: The spoiler will typically word things in a negative manner and not in your best interest. Alteration recasts the tone in a positive way and thanks the spoiler for the heads up. Alteration avoids disagreement.

Re-interpretation: This avoids disagreement and redirects efforts to place blame that the spoiler is seeking. Typically, disagreement and blame is side stepped by highlighting benefits and other more positive outcomes.

General Observations: Avoids disagreement and confrontation by offering a combined action of situational analysis and walking away. You would usually fall back on general life axioms and adages such as murphy's laws or other adages.

Contextual Alteration: This approach rejects negativity and defensive postures by weakening and/or recasting then comment based on missing information in the messengers remarks.

Intentional revision: This is diversionary, a dismissal, and places focus on the messenger. The comment tone can be adjusted by using sarcasm in order to deliver the level of discontent you desire.

Moving On: This is complete dismissal and outright ignores the messenger. It sends the signal that the messenger's comment has no impact, interest, or concern on your part. It causes them to reflect on their conduct.

Gratuitous Insults: This is an ambiguous comment delivered with a smile that if structured properly sends a alert message to the intended party and to others listening nearby an innocuous jocular message. It is effective when you need to appear polite while at the same time need to send a strong message. This is also misused by offending parties.

Involvement: This avoids confrontation by being agreeable bringing attention to a fault, problem, or issue addressed by the messenger then involving the messenger in the solution. In essence, gives the messenger work.

The character types one may encounter include:

THE SPOILER

The spoiler is inevitable in the workplace. They love a good argument, seek them deliberately, pick at your faults, place blame on you, and dangle you on a string. These people love to put you on the spot, demonstrate their superiority, and above all else win.

Being agreeable spoils the spoiler. Reflecting the spoilers own words in support of your ideas co-opts the intended effect for your benefit. This is accomplished parsing or through fractionation of the remarks then putting a twist on a relevant elements. 

THE CRITIC

The critic's comments can range from sensitive to vulgar and often are directed maliciously towards the individual. The techniques for handling these comments also range from moving on to addressing the remark directly. You will need to assess the critics purpose and focus on moving forward. When the messenger exceeds your tolerance level it is appropriate to put the messenger on notice. This often done using a gratuitous insult while smiling. For example, "You have an interesting approach. Now, let's see your departure." Persistent critic conduct may result in a tag name like, "Battling Betsy".

THE BLAMER

This type of person is everywhere. Especially, in situation that are highly political or where promotions and jobs are scarce. The tendency is to appear as though they are not causing problems or failures. One way to achieve this end is to point fingers and blame others.

It is difficult to refrain from attacking when being attacked. Of course, there are times to take the wind out of someone's sails. However, we want to focus on positive approaches and move things forward. It is usually best to buy time using a method of 'Moving On' remarking something to the effect of:  "There's plenty of blame to go around."; "We can spend time pointing fingers or we can turn this around."; or  "We can make this personal, but then I do not see the point in that." 

THE PUPPETEER

This type of character enjoys power over others. The puppeteer is good at discerning what matters to people then those same people permit the puppeteer to come between them and their goals or desires. Most people at some point in their live allow others to make them anxious and/or miserable because they do not strip them of their undeserved power.

In handling these puppeteer you should never let them see you sweat. In some cases, when someone is leveraging their positional authority in order to stir you up or place blocks in your path because they can, you should not address them directly unless you absolutely must. Instead, the path of least resistance is often better than confronting the puppeteer. By calling attention to the point made by a puppeteer and drawing them into the fix or solution can cause the puppeteer to back down. Thus, whenever confronted by someone who puts obstacles in your path out of habit or some need for power, try giving them work in order to resolve the issue they created.

THE COMPLAINER

Everyone gets a little down from time-to-time and we tend to complain. However, there are some people who are habitually negative. They make others around them feel bad or annoyed. You need to deal with these people constructively by first judging their character and then the circumstances. You must have situational awareness. Your responses should steer the individual away from the negative thoughts and towards constructive thoughts. If done properly, the complainer will begin to see his conduct is unbecoming.

THE DEFEATIST TYPE

These people are typically highly structured and often bureaucrats with a long list of policies and rules. They cannot see beyond the bureaucracy. Anything that you are attempting is somehow violating a policy or rule. Somehow you must pluck the human being from the bureaucrat. The trick is to appeal human sensibilities. If that does not work go to the next person, if possible, and avoid them. For example, hang up and call back for another customer service representative or wait for another counter clerk.

Summary

Assessing comebacks begins with gauging the comment's intent and demeanor. In most cases there are background forces at work. Until you gain situational awareness and understand these forces you are part of the problem if you argue. If you are alert and assess the environment then you can discern avenues for achieving what you need. These avenues begin with methods such as:

• Alteration
• Re-interpretation
• General Observations
• Contextual Alteration
• Intentional revision
• Moving On
• Gratuitous Insults
• Involvement

Part of situational awareness is understanding some of the character types and which methods to apply. These character types include:

• The Spoiler
• The Critic
• The Blamer
• The Puppeteer
• The Complainer
• The Defeatist

With practice assessing the situation and considering responses, you will become more deliberate in your responses. Whenever caught off guard it is best to stall for time rather than react and argue.

Scenario taken from LinkedIn: A Dr. Earl R. Smith posted in August 26, 2007 a request for comment.

//QUOTE//The Gratuitous Insult – How do you respond?

I have been asking a series of questions about self-sabotaging behaviors. The vast majority of the replies have been constructive and incredibly helpful. But there is one type of reply that is truly self-sabotaging and gives me pause – it involves a gratuitous insult of some kind. When I try to point out that the insult is counter to their interests the person tends to respond with more insults. In a recent exchange, when I asked for clarification of a response I received “If you don't understand what I mean, then that is probably your problem.” When I pointed out that I found his reply mildly insulting I received “you think you know me enough to think that I am insulting you, which I am not” – as if to say “you don’t get to decide when you feel insulted, I do”.

My research indicates that most of these people are white, males in their late thirties to early fifties and consultants in either a one man or small operations. I would like to find a way to respond that adds value to their lives but haven’t so far. It is quite frustrating and maybe there is no way or it is not worth the effort. What are your suggestions? //UNQUOTE//

Commentary/Suggestion: The Gratutious Insult is an ambiguous comment delivered with a smile that if structured properly sends a put down message to the intended party and to others listening nearby an innocuous message that is often jocular in nature. It is  part of character types known as the Critic and the Puppeteer. The Critic continuously offers commentary that can range from sensitive to vulgar and is often are directed maliciously towards an individual. The Puppeteer enjoys power over others and is typical of the alpha male. The Dr.'s description indicates involvement with alpha males possibly in a mid life during their 40's who make these gratuitous insults most likely showing thier pearly whites. The Dr. is a leader and prime target for someone attempting to exert their need for power. 

In the response, the Dr. does not want to engage them directly since the situation will most likely deteriorate into a combative exchange.  Also the Dr. does not want to let them see him sweat.  There is a need to establish positional authority, take the bite out of their comment, remove their undeserved power over the situation, and recast their remark involving them in a solution. For example,

The remark, "If do not understand what I mean, then that is your problem."

Your possible response, "Your commentary would be unnecessary if you communicate your message better."

This response is only one example and should be adjusted for your understanding of the situation.

Commentary: The book offers numerous examples and casts the details slightly different. I have attempted to focus on positive responses that move things forward. Although there are times when someone is out-of-line and may require a more militant response that diminishes, disrupts,  defeats, deflects, and/or deters the persons conduct.

Reference

Reardon, K.K., (2010). Comebacks at work: using conversation to master confrontation. (1 ED.). Harper Collins publishers, New York

No One Likes to Take Orders: The Dale Carnegie Method

Commentary: This is a continuing series of posts reviewing Dale Carnegie's book 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'. This program is attractive in professional relationships due to it's time tested advice for those moving up the ladder of success. I have been introduced to Dale Carnegie training not once but twice. I attended Naval Aviation Officer Candidate School or AOCS during 1988 through which Dale Carnegie principles were first introduced to me, at least in part. Years later during 1999, I attended the Dale Carnegie school and coursework introducing me again to the Dale Carnegie method and principles.  I will be detailing only one principle a week in a shorter post in order to for you to digest the information. This series  may be reviewed at All the Principles in One Post

No One Likes to Take Orders

Classic Carnegie gives an example in which an office manager never issued an order over three years of working together. Instead, all direction was posited as a question. He always opened opportunity for people to be self-directed and learn from their mistakes. This technique gives levity to people boosting pride, a sense of importance, and encourages cooperation instead of rebellion. 

Resentment caused by brash orders can last a long time, even if given to correct a bad situation. Positing orders as a question makes them more palatable and stimulates creativity.  People accept orders more easily if they are part of the decision cycle that caused the order.  An effective leader will;

Principle 25: Ask questions instead of giving direct orders

References:

Carnegie, D. (1981). How to win friends and influence people. New York: Pocket Books.

Getting Started: Comebacks At Work

Commentary:  The work place has become a challenging place today. People are on edge, tempers flare, and in some cases the competitiveness has taken a hostile direction.  Simply good communication skills is not enough.  Professionals must become skilled at handling difficult people and in many cases corporate psychopaths. 

This series of postings will discuss using communication methods to gain control of circumstances and reduce your chances of becoming a target. We will cover ten (10) chapters in the book "Comebacks at Work" over the next several weeks. I'll attempt to couple these when appropriate with other authors works such as Dale Carnegie. 

Getting Started

There are many types of comeback scenarios that happen to people in the workplace. Most people are not fortunate and have had to withstand most of these scenarios. They worry on the way to work if they will be caught off guard, taken for granted, used, abused, or cornered. But they have not learned what to say, how to save their jobs and credibility, or deal with being put on the spot.

The comeback scenarios come in general forms to include gratuitous insults, pigeonholing, outcasts, put downs, labeling, back stabs, and even innocent or thoughtless outbursts. Your responses can be many and selection of the appropriate response depends on your assessment of the circumstances and desired posturing.  The objective of an adept communicator is to demonstrate, in most cases, displeasure with the other person's choice of words and to take the conversation in a positive direction. Each and every response should be deliberate rather than a knee-jerk or in-kind reaction.

The 75 Percent Rule:  Each person is, at least, 75% responsible for how people respond to us.

People will say and do what they might. Nonetheless, we influence how the conversation proceeds. Each conversation is a building block. Each conversation contributes to how we see ourselves, how others perceive us, and sets limits.  Therefore, we have proprietary interest in the direction and success of our conversations. Failure to realize this abdicates power to others and that is not good for you.

Frame of Mind

One's frame of mind has to change in order to ignore insults and negative language in the language from others then steer the conversation towards a positive outcome. People tend to synthesize happiness even in miserable conditions. We look for the silver lining and operate from that vantage point. There are several tactics used to achieve this shift and the include the sage use of the smile, questions, pauses, humor, and appeals to nobler principles. Bypassing, recasting or reframing hostile remarks often endears your audiences and redirects otherwise baited arguments.

Martha Stewart commented during an interview, " She [Racheal Ray] professed she cannot bake. She just did a cookbook, which is just a re-edit her older recipes. That is not good enough for me. I mean, I really want to write a book that is a unique and lasting thing, something that will really fulfill a need in someone's library. So, she's different. She is more of an entertainer ... With a bubbly personality than'she is a teacher like me."

Stewart's remarks were really inflaming and were treated as a public trashing of Ray.

Ray reacted to queries about Stewart's comments by recasting the remarks, diffusing the feud baiting, and allowed Stewart to save face remarking, "Why would it make me mad? Her skill set is beyond mine. That's simply the reality of it. That does not mean what I do is not important too. I just think she is being honest. When it comes to producing a beautiful, perfect, high-quality meal, I'd rather eat Martha's rather than mine."

The technique Ray used was technically called 'fractionation'. This divides contentious remarks up into elemental components that are addressed individually. By responding in this manner Ray showed herself to be confident, intelligent, and generous.

Something Amiss

Recognizing the clues that something is amiss is the first step towards becoming good at comebacks. This requires learning from mistakes and missed opportunities. You may want to reflect on the recent past for a situation when you missed clues that you were about to be put on the spot. In retrospect, could you have seen it coming? Could you have steered the conversation away from the attack? What is the character of the person delivering the attack? People who are good at comebacks spend time reflecting, not stewing, on the event looking for clues. In time, you too will develop a sense when the circumstances are organizing for an attack.

Pay attention to the conversations in the near term you will be having. Work on developing your senses. Good comebacks rarely come out of the blue. By monitoring now you gain a keen awareness. As you ability to pickup on clues increases you will be caught off guard leas and less.

Summary

In review, the lesson out of this is that there are more than one way to respond and often clues precede the wayward communication. Techniques discussed included; fractionation, reframing, and bypassing. Conversations are building blocks that can be used to influence perceptions and control your circumstances. Your goal is to be deliberate in conversation rather than react.  Avoid patterned conduct. Become flexible and push beyond old habits.  Take responsibility of your communications    Be attentive to hostile clues in your conversations

Commentary: Project managers often will assess stakeholders and sponsors in a project to determine risk and the dispositions of key project participants. The project manager will create a stakeholder register citing level of risk, disposition, and handling concerns. If you create such a document it would be wise to keep it hidden or stored at home as revealing in the workplace would most certainly cause perturbations for you. However, a register of leadership and employees created early on then maintained could be a valuable instrument in strengthening relationships and properly identifying clues to communication challenges. Author Joseph Phillips has likewise taken project management principles and applied them to his life in his book The Lifelong Project. This may be a viable tool when getting started with improving communications and managing your comebacks. 

Reference

Reardon, K.K., (2010). Comebacks at work: using conversation to master confrontation. (1 ED.). Harper Collins publishers, New York.

The Art of the Comeback: Comebacks At Work

Commentary:  The work place has become a challenging place today. People are on edge, tempers flare, and in some cases the competitiveness has taken a hostile direction.  Simply good communication skills is not enough.  Professionals must become skilled at handling difficult people and in many cases corporate psychopaths. There are over thirty-five (35) corporate psychopath types in the workplace. Some of the most challenging ones to handle include Mayberry Machiavellians, Anger Freaks, and Workplace Bullies. Often they are a wolf in sheep's clothing and utilize subversive tactics appearing as sane, ordinary people. Nonetheless, in common sensibilities they are insane.  Communications with corporate psychopaths cannot be spontaneous and must be solely formal, prepared, focused and deliberate. In many instances, one must identify behavior patterns, anticipate situations, and have responses in their hip pocket. 

This series of postings will discuss using communication methods to gain control of circumstances and reduce your chances of becoming a target. We will cover ten (10) chapters in the book "Comebacks at Work" over the next several weeks. I'll attempt to couple these when appropriate with other authors works such as Dale Carnegie. 

01: The Art of the Comeback

Nearly everyone has been in a situation where emotions ran high, they were put on the spot, cornered, or publicly embarrassed in a conversation. What makes this circumstance more frustrating is when the event was deliberate or contrived by the opposing individual.  You felt inadequate, angry, and that your response was not good enough. After stewing over the event repeatedly hashing it out in your mind, you have an epiphany that you should have said something specific. You wonder why you did not think of that earlier.

No one is naturally born as a comeback artist. The skill is an acquired talent often through trial and error.  Even the best of the best fall short. Through the learning process you become a more astute person to the circumstances and are able to react in stressful situations more responsibly.

The author, Dr Kathleen Reardon, shares her experiences and lessons in order for the reader to gain greater insight into the art of the comeback. She offers methods for testing oneself, conducting self-assessments, and evaluating situations. As you train, you will master confrontation and be in charge of how people treat you.

02: Why Communications Matter

Communication begins with the brain which science has indicated possesses neuroplasticity. This means the brain is exceptionally pliable and adaptable to learning situations. Most people do not push their brain beyond the comfort zone. Thus, those brains become somewhat lazy affecting how many of us communicate resulting in a negative outcome. We engage in dysfunctional patterns and is why we do not have comebacks in many situations. To the extent you have not been learning how to handle comeback circumstances, your career and job have suffered as a result.

Communication matters as simply put. Knowing that the are many ways to respond is a big step towards communicating correctly. As you identify obstacles, expose the opposition, and employ the methods to be discussed people will think twice about making you a target.

Commentary: President Ronald Reagan, the Great Communicator,  had learned how to master the art of humor to alleviate stressful and tense situations. Once while being heckled on the campaign trail in San Diego on November 3, 1980, Reagan told a heckler, 'Ahhh Shut Up!' which won him enormous respect and quieted the heckler. In another situation, Reagan used humor to alleviate tensions about his age remarking he was not going to exploit his opponents youth and inexperience for political gain. Once again winning enormous respect. Humor is one instrument to be considered. 

Later in the book we will discuss the use of humor to disarm, expose, or to diminish the impact of comments designed to cause injury to you in various ways. Even though your opponent may be attacking you personally, mind you that throughout this book you will not be attacking your opponent but the comment or the conduct instead.  In most circumstances, you will use the Dale Carnegie principle of allowing the other person to save face.  However, there are circumstances in which you may allow the opponent to look stupid. It is all in the coming chapters. 

Reference:

Reardon, K.K., (2010). Comebacks at work: using conversation to master confrontation. (1 ED.). Harper Collins publishers, New York.

Talk About Your Own Mistakes: The Dale Carnegie Method

Commentary: This is a continuing series of posts reviewing Dale Carnegie's book 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'. This program is attractive in professional relationships due to it's time tested advice for those moving up the ladder of success. I have been introduced to Dale Carnegie training not once but twice. I attended Naval Aviation Officer Candidate School or AOCS during 1988 through which Dale Carnegie principles were first introduced to me, at least in part. Years later during 1999, I attended the Dale Carnegie school and coursework introducing me again to the Dale Carnegie method and principles.  I will be detailing only one principle a week in a shorter post in order to for you to digest the information. This series  may be reviewed at All the Principles in One Post

Talk About Your Own Mistakes

Carnegie points to the differences in people's station in life and experience. This difference affects judgment, wisdom, and actions. Those more senior in experience and life should offer the benefit of their wisdom to those junior rather than correcting and/or scolding those junior.  Carnegie suggests using your own mistakes as learning pegs. He offers some phrases that may help. For example,  "You know, I have made many mistakes in my past and you have not had the fortune of my experience. Let me share one my learning experiences with you." 

Carnegie urges people to humble themselves and praise others sincerely. Doing this can turn a haughty, insulted foe into an ally. Rightfully employed, a few humbling and praiseful sentences can work miracles in human relations. Admitting mistakes, even when uncorrected, can aide in convincing another to correct their behavior.

A maturing leader always follows this principle. 

Principle 24: Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing others

How to Criticize and Not Be Hated for It: The Dale Carnegie Method

Commentary: This is a continuing series of posts reviewing Dale Carnegie's book 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'. This program is attractive in professional relationships due to it's time tested advice for those moving up the ladder of success. I have been introduced to Dale Carnegie training not once but twice. I attended Naval Aviation Officer Candidate School or AOCS during 1988 through which Dale Carnegie principles were first introduced to me, at least in part. Years later during 1999, I attended the Dale Carnegie school and coursework introducing me again to the Dale Carnegie method and principles.  I will be detailing only one principle a week in a shorter post in order to for you to digest the information. This series  may be reviewed at All the Principles in One Post

How to Criticize and Not Be Hated for It

Charles Schwab was passing through a one of his steel mills when he observed some people smoking directly below a no smoking sign. He walked up handing them cigarettes then asked them to smoke outside. They knew they had been busted but admired Schwab for his manner of handling the situation. Schwab respected them drawing attention to their errant behavior indirectly.

Carnegie encourages not to use negative terms like 'but', 'however,' 'nonetheless', ect... between the praise and the criticism. Changing the conjunction can often mean the difference between success or failure in addressing people without arousing offense or resentment.  For example, statement of the like, "You are a great guy who solves problems quickly but you need solve the right problems". Or "You are a great guy. However, you cannot solve the right problems." Both examples are exceptionally negative. Carnegie encourages more positive language such as "You are a great guy who solves problems quickly. Lets try to use it in solving more focused issues."

Carnegie goes on to express that calling attention to one's mistakes indirectly works wonders, especially with sensitive people who may resent any direct criticism bitterly. Carnegie's effective way to call attention to others' mistakes is to;

Principle 23:  Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly

References:

Carnegie, D. (1981). How to win friends and influence people. New York: Pocket Books

If You Must Find Fault, This Is the Way To Begin: The Dale Carnegie Method

Commentary: This is a continuing series of posts reviewing Dale Carnegie's book 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'. This program is attractive in professional relationships due to it's time tested advice for those moving up the ladder of success. I have been introduced to Dale Carnegie training not once but twice. I attended Naval Aviation Officer Candidate School or AOCS during 1988 through which Dale Carnegie principles were first introduced to me, at least in part. Years later during 1999, I attended the Dale Carnegie school and coursework introducing me again to the Dale Carnegie method and principles. I will be detailing only one principle a week in a shorter post in order to for you to digest the information. This series  may be reviewed at All the Principles in One Post

If You Must Find Fault, This Is the Way To Begin

It is always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise of our good points. When criticizing try to posit the concern with support to improve, a second chance. Offer support to the person yourself; redline, highlight, review, and offer constructive solutions.

One of Carnegie's examples had a Republican speech writer who presented an off topic speech with enormous enthusiasm and glee. The person he was writing for was dismayed at the topic but adroitly expressed his approval of the enthusiasm and glee. He then asked the speech writer to rewrite the speech along the lines he indicated and to send a copy for his review. Once this was done he assisted the speech writer develop the second speech. The speech writer became one of the most effective speech writers in the campaign.

Beginning with praise is like the dentists who begins his work with Novocain. The patient still gets a drilling but the Novocain is pain-killing. If done correctly, you can propel others to greatness. A leader will always;

Principle 22: Begin With Praise and Honest Appreciation