How to Criticize and Not Be Hated for It: The Dale Carnegie Method

Commentary: This is a continuing series of posts reviewing Dale Carnegie's book 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'. This program is attractive in professional relationships due to it's time tested advice for those moving up the ladder of success. I have been introduced to Dale Carnegie training not once but twice. I attended Naval Aviation Officer Candidate School or AOCS during 1988 through which Dale Carnegie principles were first introduced to me, at least in part. Years later during 1999, I attended the Dale Carnegie school and coursework introducing me again to the Dale Carnegie method and principles.  I will be detailing only one principle a week in a shorter post in order to for you to digest the information. This series  may be reviewed at All the Principles in One Post

How to Criticize and Not Be Hated for It

Charles Schwab was passing through a one of his steel mills when he observed some people smoking directly below a no smoking sign. He walked up handing them cigarettes then asked them to smoke outside. They knew they had been busted but admired Schwab for his manner of handling the situation. Schwab respected them drawing attention to their errant behavior indirectly.

Carnegie encourages not to use negative terms like 'but', 'however,' 'nonetheless', ect... between the praise and the criticism. Changing the conjunction can often mean the difference between success or failure in addressing people without arousing offense or resentment.  For example, statement of the like, "You are a great guy who solves problems quickly but you need solve the right problems". Or "You are a great guy. However, you cannot solve the right problems." Both examples are exceptionally negative. Carnegie encourages more positive language such as "You are a great guy who solves problems quickly. Lets try to use it in solving more focused issues."

Carnegie goes on to express that calling attention to one's mistakes indirectly works wonders, especially with sensitive people who may resent any direct criticism bitterly. Carnegie's effective way to call attention to others' mistakes is to;

Principle 23:  Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly

References:

Carnegie, D. (1981). How to win friends and influence people. New York: Pocket Books