Software Development Model Bashing

Commentary: In my youth, I would purchase several plastic models. Then using some tools and imagination, I would mix the parts to build a model unique to me. For example, I would mix the parts from a model truck, car, and army tank of various scales to create a monster truck. The technique is known in the model building world as "Kit Bashing". 

In the management world, rarely are projects and operations a text book situation using a  single model right out-of-the-box. What we have most often is a tool kit of a tactics, techniques, and practices. As managers, we must pick and choose which ones best apply then adapt them to our projects. The outcome often is hybrid of tactics, techniques, and practices. In a sense, a "tool kit bashing" process. This is the case with software development as no one model encompasses all that is required for each situation. 

The common approach for the software development model is to spiral from a central concept outwards to final release. In this discussion, I am going to take the spiral waterfall model from the general concept and spiral inward  towards a final objective. Each iteration getting tighter and tighter, closer to the final objective.  The idea is to focus on the business objective and not so much the vehicle or means to achieve the objective. Sometimes we loose focus, scope creep, shifting from the business purpose to cool things such as awesome software applications that performs at quality levels beyond the price point targeted. The problem with this is a cost - objective focus and a loss of a business perspective.

Software Development Model Bashing

The spiral water fall model has been co-opted across many disciplines. This model spirals inward towards an objective through iterative cycles in a closed loop feedback system. In general this process begins with identification of a complex objective that is broken into components that are continually refined moving inward closer towards a final objective. There are generally five steps to the model; identification, planning, design, implementation, and analysis. These are often modified by each discipline utilizing the model to better suit their needs.

For example, the Democratic Reform Process model, DRP model, 1. Identifies a reform, 2. Builds a constituency and financial support, 3. Assesses the organizational structure and shortfalls to  determine  what is needed to implement the reform, 4. Mobilizes resources, 5. Analyzes the outcome to adjust the desired reform for the next go around. The DRP model is interesting since a significant portion of the information technologies are the outcome of a democratization of design given open systems and request for comments, RFCs. I want to return to this notion, democratization of design, through out the remaining post.

 

In software development, the spiral waterfall model is a little more complex and is used in conjunction with the System Development Life Cycle, SDLC, model as well as the project management model.  various practices also apply. One version of the software development spiral waterfall model, itself, is broken into four general sectors; objective determination, risk assessments, development and test, then plan for the next iteration. Within these sectors various management models or elements of other models help structure the conduct of the sector.

The Objective Sector:  This is focused on the project chartering and planning processes of the project management model. It is also associated to the identification and constituency building step of the DRP model. During the original chartering process business objectives are established for the project. These are central to the success of the project and essential to avoiding scope creep during the iterative cycles. The objective remains at the center of the model as the iterations spiral towards them. In this sector effects based structures may be created. The practice is used to measure progress towards an objective. When measures of effectiveness hit established triggers, a decision and/or corrective action is made. This practice can be used to monitor progress towards objectives as the model executes. In the DRP model, this sector is where the objective is determined and the sponsors (primary stakeholders and constituents) are sought in order  to build financial support.

The Risk Assessment Sector: This is associative to the risk planning processes of the project management model. It is also part of the DRP model that assesses the organizational structure and shortfalls. In short, risks are identified and placed into the risk register. A risk breakdown structure could aid in the management of risk as well. Contingencies and responses are planned in the case a risk event occurs.  Effects based triggers and measures of effectiveness can be used in a Statistical Process Control, SPC, fashion having upper and lower limits on quality and risk. Out of bounds conditions are then monitored and managed. Under the DRP model, the structural shortfalls and the process of achieving them are assessed for risk.

The Develop and Test Sector: Also known as the Engineering sector. This is closely associated to the  execute, and control-monitor processes of the project management model. It is also aligned with the mobilize resources step in the DRP model. In this phase, the actual software design, coding, and testing is performed. The design process should be broken down into work packages aligned with Object Oriented Design, OOD, practices of encapsulation, polymorphisms, and inheritance.  In doing so, design relationships will flow with management practices like crashing and fast-tracking. Other activities include the actual coding and testing processes which are also part of the work breakdown structure. Having alignment between the management processes and technical practices such as OOD is essential for harmonizing this sector.

Plan the Next Iteration Sector: This is aligned with recycling the project management model or can also be part of a change management process. Likewise, it is aligned with the DRP model's analyze the outcome and adjust the reform for the next go around. Essentially, in this sector the  interim deliverables are assessed for their achievement towards the final objectives and any iterative objectives established during the previous Iteration. Any new ideas, updates, or capabilities are evaluated based on a change management plan. If approved, the scope is then updated and the baseline is adjusted in support of the new cost and resource demands. This cascades to adjustments to the work breakdown structure as well. Once complete, the process cycles again adding new features and any changes as the next iteration begins.  

Variations of Practice

Project managers have an array of tactics, techniques, and practices in their tool kits that allow for a wide swath of variation in management styles. In this case, I reversed the process spiraling inwards towards an objective. In most other cases, project teams may spiral outward towards deliverables.

Other practices and methods include Rapid Application Development (RAD), AGILE, and variations on SDLC.  For example, the Software Development Life Cycle model may be isolated to the develop and test sector of a spiral waterfall model in a linear manner having a requirements, design, implementation, verification, and maintenance phases. In terms of a System Development Life Cycle model the method can be applied to the entire iterative process having the planning, design, implementations, maintenance, and analysis phases.Whatever the approach implemented, project teams, stakeholders, and sponsors must find the ideal methodology for their organization. 

Commentary: Democratization of design is becoming a common practice today. Some designs have as much as 10's of thousands of people contributing. Timely reviews, evaluations, and incorporation of ideas is essential to markets that drive their products and services. This causes product development to be endless and increases the complexity of management. In many cases, project managers may never see the entire project through but instead work various parts of the process before handing off to other project teams.  Global 24 hr project teams are also becoming a practice increasing the complexity of management also. Having a solid understanding of the process and where your part of the process falls is important to success. 

In my experiences, I designed a software web application that was a democratization of design that saw numerous iterations. However, I was only involve in the first one and a half iterations. Due to pressing urgency the spiral model was compressed to the Develop and Test then Plan for the Next Iteration. The objective was issued as a simple directive, "Get the information flow under control!" I organized 44 cells and several agencies feeding information into a decision support process that compressed decision cycles from several hours or longer to a few minutes. Having knowledge of the process was exceptionally critical to the ability to manage the solution in short order in sort of a rapid application development way. I pulled modular blocks of management practices instead of code to guide the project.

In the end, project managers bring to the table a business management focus with their skills at managing projects and achieving organizational business objectives. Although, some companies seek project managers as a collateral skill to a primary skill of considerable depth such as coding or network engineering. In these cases, the company's business objective is not a focus  as much as the  technological design and performance. Once again, demonstrating how companies structure the approaches to suit their objectives and strategies.

Points of View, Sympathy, Noble Motives, Drama, And Challenges: The Dale Carnegie Method

Commentary: This is a continuing series of posts reviewing Dale Carnegie's book 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'. This program is attractive in professional relationships due to it's time tested advice for those moving up the ladder of success. I have been introduced to Dale Carnegie training not once but twice. I attended Naval Aviation Officer Candidate School or AOCS during 1988 through which Dale Carnegie principles were first introduced to me, at least in part. Years later during 1999, I attended the Dale Carnegie school and coursework introducing me again to the Dale Carnegie method and principles. I will be detailing only one principle a week in a shorter post in order to for you to digest the information. This series  may be reviewed at All the Principles in One Post

A Formula That Will Work Wonders for You

Others may be totally wrong but do not think so. Anyone can condemn them but only wise, tolerant, exceptional people try to understand their point of view. Try to ferret out the reason the others think and act so that you will discover the key to their actions or personality. Many greats like Roosevelt and Lincoln grasp the solid foundation that success in dealing with people depends on a sympathetic grasp of another's point of view.

The single major point Dale Carnegie insist on making in his body of works is to try to see things from another's point of view. This may quickly prove to be the stepping stone of your career.

Principle 17: Try to Honestly See Things from the Other Person's Point of View.

What Everybody Wants

Use this one phrase to eliminate ill will, create good will, stop arguments, and cause the other person to stop and listen, "I do not blame you one iota for feeling that way. I would undoubtedly feel the same way." You say this to the most cantankerous old prude with sincerity and it will soften the situation. Everyone deserves credit for their being. More importantly, those who come to you irritated, bigoted, unreasonable, deserve very little discredit as you should be empathetic and sympathize. For all intents and purposes by the grace of God, you go too.

Of the people you meet, 75% are starving for sympathy. Give sympathy to them and they will love you. If you want to win people to your way of thinking, put into practice sympathy.

Principle 18: Be Sympathetic to the Other Person's Ideas and Desires.

An Appeal that Everyone Likes

Everyone, I mean everyone, has a high regard for themselves being fine and unselfish in their own estimation. There seems to be two reasons that motivate people to an end; one that sounds good and the other one that is actual. You do not need to emphasize the real reason as the person will most definitely think of that one. However, being idealist at heart we think of motives that sound good. So in order to influence people we need to appeal to the nobler cause.

Is that too ideological for work or business? NO! Always appeal to the nobler cause. For example, a politician discovered that a unflattering picture of him was being published. His appeal to the publisher was not about his disdain for the photo but instead it appealed to the nobler cause of motherhood. Told the publisher his mother did not like the photo.

People always look to the nobler example, cause, or appeal. Be forthright in your dealings and;

Principle 19: Appeal to Nobler Motives

The Movies Do It. TV Does it. Why Don't You Do It?

Carnegie begins with an example of a newspaper that was undergoing a hostile whisper campaign that it carried too many ads and very little content. Advertisers feared that the newspaper was no longer attractive to readers. The newspaper had to react quickly. They dramatized the content on a daily basis by printing a book that contained all the news stories of that day. They sold this competitively at substantially lower prices than a comparable book.

Truths are not enough. The truth has to be vivid, interesting, and dramatic. You have to use showmanship if you want attention. You must dramatize your ideas in business and in life. Be exciting, emphasize, fluctuate your voice, be animated, be interesting, and draw attention to you and your ideas.

Principle 20: Dramatize Your Ideas

When Nothing Else Works, Try This

Appeal to people of spirit by stimulating their desire to excel. Create competition. Every successful person loves the game, the chance at self-expression, the chance to prove his worth, to win. This is the underpinning of any contest. Ultimately, this is a feeling of importance.

Principle 21: Throw Down a Challenge

All The Principles In One Post: The Dale Carnegie Method

Commentary: This post completes the Dale Carnegie review. This was a continuing series of posts reviewing Dale Carnegie's book 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'. This program is attractive in professional relationships due to it's time tested advice for those moving up the ladder of success. I was introduced to Dale Carnegie training not once but twice. I attended Naval Aviation Officer Candidate School or AOCS during 1988 through which Dale Carnegie principles were first introduced to me, at least in part. Years later during 1999, I attended the Dale Carnegie school and coursework introducing me again to the Dale Carnegie method and principles.

This post continues to be one of the more popular posts and has recieved over 1100 reads. I would also like to point your attention to the Job Search Featured Posts and Book Reviews. There you may find expanded information as it applies to the job search.

All The Principles In One Brief

New Posts regarding the Digital Age:

Secrets of Success in the Digital Age Part 1

Secrets of Success in the Digital Age Part 2

The following list of 30 principles were covered in 25 posts.

01: Do not condemn, complain, or criticize

Begin at home changing one's self before criticizing or complaining about or to others. Carnegie sums up his thoughts stating to seek sympathy, understanding, and kindness. He suggested to forgive all.

02: Give honest and sincere appreciation

Forget flattery which is heartless adoration. Instead, give honest, sincere appreciation that increases one's sense of importance and gives levity to their efforts.

03: Arouse Eager Want in Others

The world is loaded with self-serving people. So rare is the unselfish who attempt to serve others that they have an enormous advantage, little competition. People who are capable of seeing another's perspective and see the inner workings of another's mind never have to worry about the future. Carnegie encourages that you strive to get from his book the increased tendency to think in terms of the other person's point of view and. See things from another angle.

04: Become genuinely interested in other people

You can make more friends in two months by being interested in other people than trying to get other people interested in you.

05: Smile

06: A person's name is the most important sound. Use people's name when addressing them

Use people's name when addressing them and in business.

07: Be a good listener. Encourage other to talk about themselves

A terrific conversationalist never talks. They just smile and inspire others to talk.

08: Talk in terms of the other person's interest

The royal road to a person's heart is to talk about things he or she treasures most. This is a valuable technique in business.

09: Always make other person feel important and do it with sincerity

The Law: Always make the other person feel important. Act selflessly

10:  The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it

Having temperance and consideration builds positive relationships. A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still.

11: Show respect for another person's opinions. Never "say you're wrong"

This approach will stop all arguments and inspire dialogue. Be diplomatic as it will help you gain your point. Don't stir them up.

12: If you are Wrong admit it quickly and empathetically

It not only clears the air of guilt and defensiveness but helps solve the problems caused by the error.

13: Begin in a Friendly Way

A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.

14: Get the other person to say "Yes, Yes" immediately

It is of great importance to get people moving in the affirmation direction soonest.

15: Let the other person do a great deal of talking

Mention your achievements only when asked. Let other boast and talk.

16: Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers

Letting people feel that an idea is theirs not only works in business and politics, but also in family life.

17: Try to honestly see things from the other person's view point

The single major point Dale Carnegie insist on making in his body of works is to try to see things from another's point of view.

18: Be sympathetic towards the other person's ideas and desires

Give sympathy to people and they will love you. If you want to win people to your way of thinking, put into practice sympathy.

19: Appeal to the nobler motives

People always look to the nobler example, cause, or appeal. Be forthright in your dealings and aspire to the higher cause, purpose, and principles.

20: Dramatize your ideas

Be exciting, emphasize, fluctuate your voice, be animated, be interesting, and draw attention to you and your ideas.

21: Throw down a challenge

Appeal to people of spirit by stimulating their desire to excel. Create competition.

22: Begin with praise and honest appreciation

Its always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise of our good points.

23: Call attention to mistakes indirectly

Calling attention to one's mistakes indirectly works wonders with sensitive people who may resent any direct criticism bitterly.

24: Take about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person

Admitting mistakes, even when uncorrected, can aide in convincing another to adjust their behavior.

25: Ask questions instead of giving orders

People accept orders more easily if they are part of the decision cycle that caused the order.

26: Let the other person save face

Even if we are 100% right and the other person is 100% wrong, we destroy ego, dignity, and pride by causing someone to lose face.

27: Be hearty in approbation and lavish in your praise

Abilities whither away under criticism and blossom under encouragement.

28: Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to

Excel in that difficult leadership role of influencing the behavior or attitudes of others

29: Use encouragement and make the fault seem easy to correct

Without hope the drive to become something greater or achieve a goal is lost.

30: Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest

When people feel apart of the process and are included in counsel, they are more apt to do what you need them to do.

Commentary: I am going to offer some critical points in the following prose. This is not to detract from any of Carnegie's positive, time tested, and successful principles. 

Dale Carnegie makes comments all throughout his body-of-works about "changing" other people offering his principles, examples, and wisdom to this end. I have intentionally left out of the review references to "changing" other people. I replaced many of these thoughts with influencing people if I did not refer to those comments at all. I based this action on an old idiom that you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink. The only person who can change a person is the person him or her self. No one controls anyone's buttons. Only the button holder is responsible for control of the buttons. If the button is pushed and someone is launched into orbit, they are wholly and solely accountable for their actions. 

That said, Carnegie remarked that the most important take away from his body-of-works is to see things from another persons point of view. This requires you to listen, be silent, and think through their views. The other important take away is to be sincere and heart felt. If there is a change, the change is in you and no one else. Although you may observe people's responses towards your change.

On another point, over the course of my professional life I have observed just as many people embrace Dale Carnegie as those who rejected it. Those who rejected Dale Carnegie almost unanimously did so because of the phoniness that salesmen from the Carnegie Institute brought to the candidate meeting. I know this to be true in my meeting. The Carnegie salesmen with all his flamboyance and excessive exuberance, howled how Dale Carnegie changed his life and he now deals with people differently. His delivery impressed me as being phony. Aside from my experience with that salesmen, those who embrace Dale Carnegie tended to see past the phoniness. I did. One of the challenges that people have when implementing these principles is sometimes excessive zeal and enthusiasm which can and will lead to a sense of phoniness or less than genuine presence. The goal is to be sincere and honest. Therefore, be relaxed and be yourself with some adjustments and awareness of your presence such as smiling, nodding in confirmation, eye contact, etc... When dramatizing do not be a Shakespearian thespian. Just be an excited you, who is animated and lively. While learning you may over-dramatize in order to find your comfort zone. 

On a last point, I would like to direct readers to another posting, Tattoo on Your Soul, in which General Krulak discusses integrity, accountability, and responsibility. He remarks that it is all about people and if do not buy into that then you are not be a leader.

This concludes the review of the Dale Carnegie foundational principles. I encourage you take these principles to heart and practice them in all your dealings.

References:

Carnegie, D. (1981). How to win friends and influence people. New York: Pocket Books.

How to Get Cooperation: The Dale Carnegie Method

Commentary: This is a continuing series of posts reviewing Dale Carnegie's book 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'. This program is attractive in professional relationships due to it's time tested advice for those moving up the ladder of success. I have been introduced to Dale Carnegie training not once but twice. I attended Naval Aviation Officer Candidate School or AOCS during 1988 through which Dale Carnegie principles were first introduced to me, at least in part. Years later during 1999, I attended the Dale Carnegie school and coursework introducing me again to the Dale Carnegie method and principles.  I will be detailing only one principle a week in a shorter post in order to for you to digest the information. This series  may be reviewed at All the Principles in One Post

How to Get Cooperation

You have more faith in ideas that you discover yourself than those told or handed to you. Then is it not wiser to make suggestions then let the other person arrive at the conclusion? No one wants to feel they are being sold or told something. We feel much better if we are acting on our own accord or the idea was our own. People want to be consulted on their ideas, wishes, wants, and thoughts.

Letting people feel that an idea is theirs not only works in business and politics, but also in family life. The father had wanted to vacation in the East visiting famous American history sites, So he sat the family at the table and their daughter had completed a course on American heritage. After some discussion the family choose the idea of the daughters to visit the American History sites.  In another example, one sales representative wrote a letter to a perspective not attempting to sell anything but instead asked for his advice in assessing his equipment. The prospective client reviewed the equipment, honored by the request, and discover he liked it so much that he purchased the machines. 

Principle 16: Let the Other Person Feel the Idea is His or Hers

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People, The Dale Carnegie Method

Commentary: This is the first in a series of the review of Dale Carnegie's book 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'. This program is attractive to professional relationships due to it's time tested advice for those moving up the ladder of success. I have been introduced to Dale Carnegie training not once but twice. I attended Naval Aviation Officer Candidate School or AOCS during 1988 through which Dale Carnegie principles were first introduced to me, at least in part. Years later during 1999 I attended the Dale Carnegie school and coursework introducing me again to the Dale Carnegie method and principles. This series  may be reviewed at All the Principles in One Post

I am going to skip ahead to the meat of the Dale Carnegie program reviewing several chapters at once.  I am also going to relate other books, sources, and authors to Dale Carnegie's work during this summary review in order to give you direction in seeking deeper knowledge.  This is Dale Carnegie's method.

If You Want to Gather Honey, Don't Kick Over the Beehive

Carnegie begins this chapter with a discussion on criticism. He comments that criticism puts people on the defensive and compels them to defend their actions without regard to the character of their own actions. Criticism damages one's sense of pride, self-worth, and arouses resentment. Carnegie comments that criticizing does not encourage durable improvements or influences people's actions positively. In short, humans thirst for approval.

Through a series of examples, Carnegie demonstrates that by changing the approach from authoritarian, critical, and demanding to one of compassion, understanding, and embracing common concerns can yield stronger responses. Carnegie encourages people not to admonish others. Instead, he remarks that people should step back and think through the situation then look for alternative responses. In many cases, Carnegie illustrates where people would write stinging letters but never send them. It would allow them to vent and think through their anger without causing an uproar.

Carnegie comments that one should begin at home changing one's self before criticizing or complaining about or to others. Carnegie sums up his thoughts stating to seek sympathy, understanding, and kindness. He suggested to forgive all. Do not condemn, complain, or criticize.

Principle 1: Do not condemn, complain, or criticize

Commentary: Dale Carnegie points to a poor character trait of criticizing that stems from a sense of personal inadequacy within one's psyche.  These people find fault in everything then critically highlight the discovery which becomes complaining. This is clearly poor conduct. There is a time and place to bring to bear righteous judgement, a form of criticizing that distinguishes between right and wrong.  In doing so, be certain that you have made your self correct first then criticize through constructive feedback seeking to understand the circumstances first.  In regards to condemning, humans should never condemn another human as this conduct, at least in the Judeo/Christian worldview, has been reserved for God. Carnegie recited from the Bible, Matthew 7:1; judge not yet ye be judged. 

The Big Secret of Dealing With People

There is only one way to get someone to do anything. That way is create the conditions that cause a person to want do the thing you desire them to do. Of course, you can induce someone through threats and force but that is not in alignment with the Dale Carnegie method. He came to the realization that people have a desire to be important and that is a recurring theme in his book.

Carnegie essentially sites some of Maslow's hierarchy of needs as wants that cannot be denied. His list is inclusive of health, life, food, sleep, and a sense of importance. Carnegie argues that the sense of importance is a driving factor in humans. He cites Charles Schwab, " I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement. There is nothing that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticism from superiors. I never criticize anyone. I believe in giving incentive a person to work. So I am anxious in praise but loath to find fault. If I like anything, I am hearty in my approbation and in my praise." Carnegie comes back to this point later as a principle.

People, Carnegie argues, are hurting for sincere appreciation which is nourishment to their souls. People have been known to go insane seeking approval they never get in life according to Carnegie. He urges you to forget flattery which is heartless adoration. Instead, give honest, sincere appreciation that increases one's sense of importance and gives levity to their efforts.

Principle 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation

He Who Can Do This Has the Whole World With Him, He Who Cannot Walks Alone.

Carnegie begins by remarking that you catch a fish with worms. Most people do not even think twice about that because fish like worms. He suggests that you use the same common sense with approach with people, identify what they want and give that to them. So the only way to get people to do what you need them to do is talk about what people want and show them how to get it. This is another principle Carnegie come back to later. 

Commentary: Perhaps Stephen Covey got his phrase, "give them man a fish and feed him for a day, teach him how to fish and feed him for a lifetime" from Dale Carnegie's concept. Covey has hit upon the notion of showing people how to get what they want. This may be an effective method of creating eager want in another person that compounds or builds a foundations for greater successes.

Henry Ford said, "If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that angle as well as from your own."

The world is loaded with self-serving people. So rare is the unselfish who attempt to serve others that they have an enormous advantage, little competition. People who are capable of seeing another's perspective and see the inner workings of another's mind never have to worry about the future. Carnegie encourages that you strive to get from his book the increased tendency to think in terms of the other person's point of view and. See things from another angle. He claims this to be a build block of a successful career.

Carnegie cautions not to construe seeing things from another's angle as manipulating a person to achieve your goals to his detriment. Each should gain in the relationship.

Commentary: Stephen Covey expands with his "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" on Dale Carnegie's notion that each party should gain. Covey' s Habit 4 is to think win-win. 

This skill centers on identifying the motivating factors for other people and then leveraging them for a common goal. Carnegie offers numerous examples where people expressed things in either harsh terms or in selfish terms but quickly learn that gets them nowhere. The objective is to be principle based or appeal to common principles.

Principle 3: Arouse Eager Want in Others

Commentary: This effort is not only getting people to follow you but also to become self-actualizing centers on principle based character ethics discussed by Stephen Covey in his body of works. Covey's habits of beginning with the end in mind, thinking win-win, seeking to understand before being understood, and synergizing are habits that Carnegie has touched on in his first three principles. 

Overall Carnegie shows through numerous historical accounts of individuals transformed, how these three principles changed their lives. Carnegie urges each of us to adopt these principles and put them into practice.  

Please feel free to comment and discuss these principles. 

References:

Carnegie, D. (1981). How to win friends and influence people. New York: Pocket Books.

Chapman, G. (2004). The five love languages. Chicago: Northfield Publishing.

Covey, S. (1989). 7 habits of highly effective people. (1 ed.). New York: Simon and Schuster.

Lewis, C. (1960). The four loves. USA: Harcourt Brace.

Three Ways to Get People to Like You, The Dale Carnegie Method

Commentary: This is the second in a series of the review of Dale Carnegie's book 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'. This program is attractive to professional relationships due to it's time tested advice for those moving up the ladder of success. I have been introduced to Dale Carnegie training not once but twice. I attended Naval Aviation Officer Candidate School or AOCS during 1988 through which Dale Carnegie principles were first introduced to me, at least in part. Years later during 1999, I attended the Dale Carnegie school and coursework introducing me again to the Dale Carnegie method and principles. This series  may be reviewed at All the Principles in One Post

Do This and You Will Be Welcome Anywhere

Dale Carnegie starts off discussing the best friend in the world, the dog. He begins with this allegory to make the point that a person's best friend does not try sell anything, marry anyone, or otherwise attempts to gain something. The dog does not train on psychology. A person's best friend is simply happy to see them. He is genuinely interested in people, in you. Carnegie concludes that you can make more friends in two months being interested in other people than you can trying to get other people interested in you.

Carnegie cites a famous Viennese, Alfred Adler, "It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring."

Carnegie then proceeds through a series of examples where successful people demonstrated in various ways interest in others achieving various positive results. He cites the Roman poet, Phiblilius Syrus, "We are interested in others when they are interested in us."

Carnegie concludes that if you want others to like you, if you want to develop real friendships, if you want to help others at the same time as you help yourself, keep this principle in mind:

Principle 4: Become genuinely interested in other people

The Simple Way to Make a Good Impression

Carnegie points out that the expression on one's face is far more important than the clothes on one's back. He discusses a series of examples in which the expressions on people's face affect the outcomes of circumstances. He concluded that the effect of a smile even unseen is powerful. Carnegie believes that one's internal state is worn on the face and comes through in voice as well as actions.

Action do not follow feelings. They go hand in hand. Carnegie relates back to his earlier principles of do not criticize, seeing things from other viewpoints, creating eager want, and being genuinely interested in other people as pivotal to the internal state. The process begins with you and results in the expression you wear. The goal is to wear a smile.

Carnegie cites a Chinese proverb, " A man without a smiling face must not open a shop." The smile is a messenger of good will. The smile, your smile brightens lives. Carnegie presents a retails stores homely philosophy. I have adapted the smile philosophy.

It costs nothing but gives much,
It enriches those who receive it without impoverishing those who give it,
It happens in a flash and the memory lasts sometimes forever,
No one is so rich they can get along without it,
No one is so poor that they are not enriched by it,
It creates happiness in the home,
It fosters good will in business,
And it is countersign of friends,
It is rest to the weary,
It is daylight to the discouraged,
It is sunshine to the sad,
And natures best antidote for trouble,
Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen,
It is something that has no Earthly value until it is given away,
In the last minute of life's rush some people may be too tired to give it,
May you leave one of yours,
For nobody needs it so much as those who have none left to give,
It is a smile.

Principle 5: Smile

If you don't do this you are headed for trouble

Dale Carnegie goes through a series of examples demonstrating how congeniality and addressing people by name yielded unexpected results. The common thread was the use of peoples name in correspondences, when greeting them, and in business. Remembering names in business or any relations is pivotal to moving foreword, forget names and be vanquished into oblivion.

The rules are simple for getting and remembering names. The first rule ask for their name or scan for it on nameplates, tags, or plaques. The second rule is if you do not hear it or cannot make it out, ask them to repeat the name. The third rule is to repeat their name back to them to clarify the annunciation. Finally, in remembering names there are numerous techniques. Of the techniques, pegging and creating semaphores are the most common methods.

The name sets people apart. It makes them unique from all others. Names work magic with all people.

Principle 6: A person's name is the sweetest and most important sound in any language. Use people's name when addressing them and in business.

Commentary: These principles may sound commonsense but many people simply overlook them. Wearing a smile actually takes work if it has not been performed naturally. One has to consciously, look in the mirror, drive the smile or else it will revert to the former state. The smile will not naturally remain until you change yourself internally. Only then will you wear the smile naturally. Changing your internal make up requires you to change thought patterns. There are numerous self-help and counseled programs that assist in this process. But it all comes down to you becoming putting all these principles into practice.  As this transformation takes place the smile will become more evident.   

References:

Carnegie, D. (1981). How to win friends and influence people. New York: Pocket Books.

Become a Good Conversationalist, The Dale Carnegie Method

Commentary: This is the third post in a series of reviewing Dale Carnegie's book 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'. This program is attractive to professional relationships due to it's time tested advice for those moving up the ladder of success. I have been introduced to Dale Carnegie training not once but twice. I attended Naval Aviation Officer Candidate School or AOCS during 1988 through which Dale Carnegie principles were first introduced to me, at least in part. Years later during 1999, I attended the Dale Carnegie school and coursework introducing me again to the Dale Carnegie method and principles.  I will be changing the approach, detailing only one principle a week in a shorter post. This series  may be reviewed at All the Principles in One Post

An Easy Way To Become a Good Conversationalist

Carnegie begins with his usual litany of stories and examples. The examples all demonstrate that people have a need for a good listener. Yet nearly everyone wants to be the talker. If you can be a good listener, then you will be perceived as a terrific conversationalist even though you said very little if anything. Carnegie comments that there is nothing more flattering than exclusive attention to the person who is speaking to you.  Carnegie's stories demonstrate that being good listener can alter circumstances, gain knowledge that otherwise was not available, strengthen relationships, and become 'chicken soup' to ailing souls.

A past master of the art of being a listener is a form of activity. The past master has a keen awareness of his body language and is able to control it in a way that signals attentiveness to the speaker. Carnegie points to specific body language such as sitting upright motionless, hands clasped in the lap and leaning forward.

To be interesting, you have to be interested. Ask questions that inspire others to share with you. Encourage conversation by signaling to continue speaking. Reflect their words, nod, smile, and ask interesting questions.

Principle 7: Be a good listener. Encourage other to talk abbot themselves.

Commentary: I do not want to confuse people between my "You Gotta Talk! And Talk A Lot..." post. In that post, you got to get your message out and you have to find the employers and decision makers in need of some one. Once you find them, shut up and practice listening.

There are innumerable products and coursework (including Dale Carnegie) on the market to help people become good listeners. The fact of the matter is that the ability to listen is a condition internal to a person. It has to become part of thier psyche. Virtues such as patience, humility, and a  kind or mild temperament are necessary underpinnings of a good listener. As Dale Carnegie mentioned early in his book, the process begins internal to you and flows outward.

References:


Carnegie, D. (1981). How to win friends and influence people. New York: Pocket Books.

How to Make People Like You Instantly, The Dale Carnegie Method

Commentary: This is a continuing series of posts reviewing Dale Carnegie's book 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'. This program is attractive in professional relationships due to it's time tested advice for those moving up the ladder of success. I have been introduced to Dale Carnegie training not once but twice. I attended Naval Aviation Officer Candidate School or AOCS during 1988 through which Dale Carnegie principles were first introduced to me, at least in part. Years later during 1999, I attended the Dale Carnegie school and coursework introducing me again to the Dale Carnegie method and principles.  I will be detailing only one principle a week in a shorter post in order to for you to digest the information. This series  may be reviewed at All the Principles in One Post

How to Make People Like You Instantly

Dale Carnegie begins with a challenge to himself. He noted a mail clerk who was not enjoying his work and decided to make this individual like him. He approached him after careful study then commented on his hair to break the ice. Carnegie was not seeking to gain anything in the exchange. He was simply attempting to spread happiness.  He was acting selflessly.

Carnegie then cites a human law: always make other people feel important. People want to feel appreciated. Dozens of philosophers and intellectuals across time have come to this seemingly common sense notion. Almost everyone considers them self important, in fact, very important. This is not unusual. Most people you meet feel superior to you, at least, in some way. Being able to tap into that in a subtle manner is a sure way to their hearts.   The life of many people can be influenced if they are made to feel important.  Carnegie cites Charles Schwab commenting to do unto others as you would have others do unto you. Then Carnegie adds that you should do this all the time. 

Carnegie offers a handful of example phrases that demonstrate respect and elevate people. For example, 

I am sorry to trouble you...
Would you be as so kind to...
Would you please...
Would you mind...
Thank you...

Business people may use the heartfelt principle to earnestly make people feel important in many ways. Business people can demonstrate genuine interest in both clients and employees who in turn reflect the message of your concerns to others. You will generate magnetism and this magnetism translates to people who want to be a part of something good. Paying attention to what makes people feel important creates  durable relationships. Carnegie states that the shrewdest men listen for hours. 

Principle 9: always make other person feel important and do it with sincerity

Commentary: Carnegie seems to significantly build off of the Bible's teachings. He cites the Golden rule many times throughout his book as well as makes many indirect references to Biblical themes.  For most of us, elevating others and humbling ourself is difficult. This takes practice and deliberate effort.

References:

Carnegie, D. (1981). How to win friends and influence people. New York: Pocket Books.

You Cannot Win an Argument: The Dale Carnegie Method

Commentary: This is a continuing series of posts reviewing Dale Carnegie's book 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'. This program is attractive in professional relationships due to it's time tested advice for those moving up the ladder of success. I have been introduced to Dale Carnegie training not once but twice. I attended Naval Aviation Officer Candidate School or AOCS during 1988 through which Dale Carnegie principles were first introduced to me, at least in part. Years later during 1999, I attended the Dale Carnegie school and coursework introducing me again to the Dale Carnegie method and principles.  I will be detailing only one principle a week in a shorter post in order to for you to digest the information. This series  may be reviewed at All the Principles in One Post.

Dale Carnegie approaches the notion of an argument from a lay and heated discussion that may or may not be solicited, is not intended to settle a disputed point, but instead to exalt an opinion or person. In this post, Carnegie seeks to begin in a friendly way. His points should be applied to the notion of informal and formal argumentation; The Argumentation Series Posts. 

You Cannot Win an Argument

Dale Carnegie took it upon himself once to be the unsolicited and unwelcome authority to correct a man who was his host. Another present knew that Carnegie was factually accurate. Appalled at his hosts insistence on the untruth and the other's unwillingness to corroborate Carnegie's position, Carnegie queried why? The other offered a list in his response:

• Why prove to a man he is wrong?
• Is that going to make him like you?
• Why not let him save face?
• If he did not ask for your opinion, why argue with him?
• Always avoid the acute angle.

The object is to build friends not enemies. It was a lesson that Carnegie needed to learn and many of us need to learn as well. Nine times out of ten an argument ends with both sides convinced that they are absolutely right. Simply put you cannot win an argument. Regardless of the outcome, you lose the argument. Someone's pride will be damaged and that will lead to resentment.

A man convinced against his will, is of the the same opinion still.

Carnegie urges people to consider that there is a time to remark. It is harder for people not to talk. You are in the game to get your opponents good will not an academic victory. Being right, dead right, is most often futile. The longer we argue the more stubborn we become. Abraham Lincoln once commented that killing the dog does not cure the bite.

Avoid arguing, change the subject. Welcome disagreement. Ignor your early instinctive impressions. Control your temper. Listen. Seek points of agreement. Be honest. Offer/promise to consider the opposing view. Thank your opponent sincerely for their views. Postpone action to think through the courses of action.

In the end, even if your opponent is wrong there could be merit in some of the subtle points. Having temperance and consideration builds positive relationships. Your goals are not to win an argument but move other objectives forward in which the argument was mostly likely diversionary.

Principle 10:
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

Commentary: There are various kinds of arguments such as a prejudicial argument, an intellectual argument, and an emotionally based argument. They are distinctly different.

The prejudicial argument is usually hostile and a deliberate attempt to steer the opponent into a compromising position that results in defeat. These arguments are often utilized in legal proceedings. One should recognize these and avoid them. If caught in one, seek to either dismiss the argument, redirect the argument to a new stasis, or seek to answer with riddles or questions.

Intellectual arguments are data-fact driven and built bottom up. The intellectual argument is principled and 'reasoned' having clear lines of logic that can be followed. Principles, such as Ockham's Razor, are common to all parties. Intellectual arguments are conducted in a civil manner even though the parties can be become emphatic. These arguments are intended to settle an unresolved question with reasonable certainty. The debate could characterize this argument.

Emotionally based arguments are most often built upon theory driven processing. This approach is top down and can be emotionally charged with pride due to ownership of a unique personal view. No one appreciates the personal view except for the one who holds it. Yet somehow many people feel their views are sacred and others must handle them with tremendous reverence. The individual begins with a set of assumptions then seeks to support these assumptions most often using selective facts.

People argue they have a right-to-an-opinion when disputed in order to deflect the dispute to a discussion of rights. If there is a right-to-an-opinion then such a right cannot settle disputes because another’s rights cannot be violated. Simply no one can be right and no one can be wrong. Clearly, there is paradoxical tension in this right. Hence, there cannot be a right-to-an-opinion because the duty of the right cannot be executed.

Unfortunately, many people are not genuinely interested in the truth. Instead, they choose a worldview for various personal or political motives then desperately seek to validate everything to that worldview using a theory driven process often to the chagrin of hoaxes, pseudo-sciences, fallacies, and poor reason.

Dale Carnegie's discussion is focused on the emotionally based argument which tends to be futile for the reasons discussed and more. Your objective, in these instances, is to seek positive relationships not win the argument. Do not let mission creep misguide you. Find friends not foes.

References:

Carnegie, D. (1981). How to win friends and influence people. New York: Pocket Books.

How to Avoid the Assured Way of Making Enemies: The Dale Carnegie Method

Commentary: This is a continuing series of posts reviewing Dale Carnegie's book 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'. This program is attractive in professional relationships due to it's time tested advice for those moving up the ladder of success. I have been introduced to Dale Carnegie training not once but twice. I attended Naval Aviation Officer Candidate School or AOCS during 1988 through which Dale Carnegie principles were first introduced to me, at least in part. Years later during 1999, I attended the Dale Carnegie school and coursework introducing me again to the Dale Carnegie method and principles.  I will be detailing only one principle a week in a shorter post in order to for you to digest the information. This series  may be reviewed at All the Principles in One Post

How to Avoid the Assured Way of Making Enemies

In the classic Dale Carnegie approach, he opens with examples. Theodore Roosevelt confessed he would have achieved his highest measure if he could be right 75 percent of the time. Carnegie reflects that many people cannot be right even half of the time. Then he tells people to be attentive to their body language. One can tell another that they are wrong through intonation, gesture, or look.  But what is the point? Will this make them agree with you? Never!  Telling someone they are wrong is a blow to one's intelligence, judgement, pride, and self-respect. More often than not, they will want to strike back and defend their position. You have hurt their feelings.

Carnegie remarks not to approach opinions with egotistical objectives or lay down a challenge. That positions the parties for battle. It is difficult enough in the most benign circumstances to handle opinions. Why begin with a handicap? To discuss sensitive topics do it subtly, adroitly. Help them find the knowledge but do not teach them. Be wiser, if possible, and be even wiser in not letting them know. Position yourself humbly remarking, "I may be wrong since I thought otherwise. Let's examine the facts."

Commentary:  Please noted that Carnegie is shifting a discussion from theory driven processing to data driven processing. Theory driven processing is built upon assumptions, whether right or wrong, then is most often supported by selective facts. Hence, introducing the differences in understanding. By focusing on the facts can strengthen a truth but there are no guarantees that the facts will be accepted since the other person. This is the case with arguments between Evolution, Intelligent Design, and Creationism. The purpose for the posture in many people's mind is greater than the need for the truth. The greater purpose must be addressed first before the secondary arguments of Evolution, Intelligent Design, and Creationism can be reasonably argued. Thus, many arguments simply cannot be determined since one or more parties are unwilling to surrender even to fact. Principle 10: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.  

Carnegie comments some people may admit they are wrong if handle tactfully and gently to others and may even take pride in being frank and broad minded.  But we are never receptive to those who ram an unpalatable fact down our throats. 

Carnegie touts using disarming techniques that acknowledge the openness to being errant, is humbling, then patient and tolerant of other views by listening first. For example, "We have made mistakes before and I am ashamed that we may have another mistake in your case. Please tell me about it."  This approach will stop all arguments and inspire dialogue. Be diplomatic as it will help you gain your point. Don't stir them up. 

Principle 11:
Show respect for another person's opinions. 
Never "say you're wrong"

References:

Carnegie, D. (1981). How to win friends and influence people. New York: Pocket Books.

If You are Wrong Admit It: The Dale Carnegie Method

Commentary: This is a continuing series of posts reviewing Dale Carnegie's book 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'. This program is attractive in professional relationships due to it's time tested advice for those moving up the ladder of success. I have been introduced to Dale Carnegie training not once but twice. I attended Naval Aviation Officer Candidate School or AOCS during 1988 through which Dale Carnegie principles were first introduced to me, at least in part. Years later during 1999, I attended the Dale Carnegie school and coursework introducing me again to the Dale Carnegie method and principles. I will be detailing only one principle a week in a shorter post in order to for you to digest the information. This series may be reviewed at All the Principles in One Post

If You are Wrong Admit It

Carnegie points out that when you are wrong you can turn the tables by admitting you are wrong quickly and empathetically. He provides an example when a police officer lectured him for not having his dog on a leash and not wearing a muzzle. However, Carnegie liked to run with his dog and the dog did not like the muzzle or the leash. Carnegie got away with this in the park for sometime before encountering the officer again. The park was empty and the dog ran ahead of Carnegie right into the mounted police officer. Carnegie responded by admonishing himself and admitting his errant way. The officer reacted in a kind manner giving him a pass since the park was empty. Carnegie claims it is better to beat the other person to the punch. It is easier to bear self-criticism than to be condemned by another.

Carnegie points out that fools try to defend mistakes. Admitting one's mistakes gives one a sense of nobility and exultation. It raises one above the herd. There is a certain degree of satisfaction of having the courage to admit one's errors. It not only clears the air of guilt and defensiveness but helps solve the problems caused by the error.

When we are right we should win people to our side gently and tactfully. When we are wrong, that is surprisingly often, be honest and admit quickly and with enthusiasm. It is a lot more fun to clear the air than defend an errant position. You'll be surprised by the results and you will get more by yielding than arguing.

Principle 12: If you are wrong admit it quickly and empathetically

Commentary: Your objective in your relationships is to move forward productively. Being unyielding and defensive are character qualities that do not move things forward. Admit errors and forgive people. Sometimes there are people who are difficult to work with. These relationships are sensitive and require special handling. Almost always in these cases the difficult person has a combination of security, esteem, and recognition issues. You will need to assess those situations and handle them in ways unique to the individual.

References:

Carnegie, D. (1981). How to win friends and influence people. New York: Pocket Books.