Become a Good Conversationalist, The Dale Carnegie Method

Commentary: This is the third post in a series of reviewing Dale Carnegie's book 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'. This program is attractive to professional relationships due to it's time tested advice for those moving up the ladder of success. I have been introduced to Dale Carnegie training not once but twice. I attended Naval Aviation Officer Candidate School or AOCS during 1988 through which Dale Carnegie principles were first introduced to me, at least in part. Years later during 1999, I attended the Dale Carnegie school and coursework introducing me again to the Dale Carnegie method and principles.  I will be changing the approach, detailing only one principle a week in a shorter post. This series  may be reviewed at All the Principles in One Post

An Easy Way To Become a Good Conversationalist

Carnegie begins with his usual litany of stories and examples. The examples all demonstrate that people have a need for a good listener. Yet nearly everyone wants to be the talker. If you can be a good listener, then you will be perceived as a terrific conversationalist even though you said very little if anything. Carnegie comments that there is nothing more flattering than exclusive attention to the person who is speaking to you.  Carnegie's stories demonstrate that being good listener can alter circumstances, gain knowledge that otherwise was not available, strengthen relationships, and become 'chicken soup' to ailing souls.

A past master of the art of being a listener is a form of activity. The past master has a keen awareness of his body language and is able to control it in a way that signals attentiveness to the speaker. Carnegie points to specific body language such as sitting upright motionless, hands clasped in the lap and leaning forward.

To be interesting, you have to be interested. Ask questions that inspire others to share with you. Encourage conversation by signaling to continue speaking. Reflect their words, nod, smile, and ask interesting questions.

Principle 7: Be a good listener. Encourage other to talk abbot themselves.

Commentary: I do not want to confuse people between my "You Gotta Talk! And Talk A Lot..." post. In that post, you got to get your message out and you have to find the employers and decision makers in need of some one. Once you find them, shut up and practice listening.

There are innumerable products and coursework (including Dale Carnegie) on the market to help people become good listeners. The fact of the matter is that the ability to listen is a condition internal to a person. It has to become part of thier psyche. Virtues such as patience, humility, and a  kind or mild temperament are necessary underpinnings of a good listener. As Dale Carnegie mentioned early in his book, the process begins internal to you and flows outward.

References:


Carnegie, D. (1981). How to win friends and influence people. New York: Pocket Books.