A Drop of Honey: The Dale Carnegie Method

Commentary: This is a continuing series of posts reviewing Dale Carnegie's book 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'. This program is attractive in professional relationships due to it's time tested advice for those moving up the ladder of success. I have been introduced to Dale Carnegie training not once but twice. I attended Naval Aviation Officer Candidate School or AOCS during 1988 through which Dale Carnegie principles were first introduced to me, at least in part. Years later during 1999, I attended the Dale Carnegie school and coursework introducing me again to the Dale Carnegie method and principles.  I will be detailing only one principle a week in a shorter post in order to for you to digest the information. This series  may be reviewed at All the Principles in One Post

A Drop of Honey

Will an unchecked temper make it easy for someone else to agree with you? What about the other people? Will they share in your pleasure, belligerent tones, hostile attitudes as you tell them a thing or two?

Carnegie cites a violent situation with flared tempers at Rockefeller who could have easily assumed the same temperament. Instead, he began in a friendly way. He meet with the people's families and leadership from both sides. Then he made a speech to the masses in which he praised the people and sought common ground. The people responded exceptionally passive and returned to work nearly immediately without achieve their goals.

After a litany of examples where people began in a friendly way, Carnegie assesses by citing Lincoln who said that a drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall. The use of gentleness and friendliness is demonstrated by people day after day resulting in changed minds more effectively without all the bluster, storming, and blathering. 

Principle 13: Begin in a Friendly Way

Commentary: Your objective in your relationships is to move forward productively. Being unyielding and defensive are character qualities that do not move hints forward. Admit errors and forgive people. Sometimes there are people who are difficult to work with. These relationships are sensitive and require special handling. Almost always in these cases the difficult person has a combination of security, esteem, and recognition issues. You will need to assess those situations. 

References:

Carnegie, D. (1981). How to win friends and influence people. New York: Pocket Books.