How to Make People Like You Instantly, The Dale Carnegie Method

Commentary: This is a continuing series of posts reviewing Dale Carnegie's book 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'. This program is attractive in professional relationships due to it's time tested advice for those moving up the ladder of success. I have been introduced to Dale Carnegie training not once but twice. I attended Naval Aviation Officer Candidate School or AOCS during 1988 through which Dale Carnegie principles were first introduced to me, at least in part. Years later during 1999, I attended the Dale Carnegie school and coursework introducing me again to the Dale Carnegie method and principles.  I will be detailing only one principle a week in a shorter post in order to for you to digest the information. This series  may be reviewed at All the Principles in One Post

How to Make People Like You Instantly

Dale Carnegie begins with a challenge to himself. He noted a mail clerk who was not enjoying his work and decided to make this individual like him. He approached him after careful study then commented on his hair to break the ice. Carnegie was not seeking to gain anything in the exchange. He was simply attempting to spread happiness.  He was acting selflessly.

Carnegie then cites a human law: always make other people feel important. People want to feel appreciated. Dozens of philosophers and intellectuals across time have come to this seemingly common sense notion. Almost everyone considers them self important, in fact, very important. This is not unusual. Most people you meet feel superior to you, at least, in some way. Being able to tap into that in a subtle manner is a sure way to their hearts.   The life of many people can be influenced if they are made to feel important.  Carnegie cites Charles Schwab commenting to do unto others as you would have others do unto you. Then Carnegie adds that you should do this all the time. 

Carnegie offers a handful of example phrases that demonstrate respect and elevate people. For example, 

I am sorry to trouble you...
Would you be as so kind to...
Would you please...
Would you mind...
Thank you...

Business people may use the heartfelt principle to earnestly make people feel important in many ways. Business people can demonstrate genuine interest in both clients and employees who in turn reflect the message of your concerns to others. You will generate magnetism and this magnetism translates to people who want to be a part of something good. Paying attention to what makes people feel important creates  durable relationships. Carnegie states that the shrewdest men listen for hours. 

Principle 9: always make other person feel important and do it with sincerity

Commentary: Carnegie seems to significantly build off of the Bible's teachings. He cites the Golden rule many times throughout his book as well as makes many indirect references to Biblical themes.  For most of us, elevating others and humbling ourself is difficult. This takes practice and deliberate effort.

References:

Carnegie, D. (1981). How to win friends and influence people. New York: Pocket Books.