Commentary: This is a continuing series of posts reviewing Dale Carnegie's book 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'. This program is attractive in professional relationships due to it's time tested advice for those moving up the ladder of success. I have been introduced to Dale Carnegie training not once but twice. I attended Naval Aviation Officer Candidate School or AOCS during 1988 through which Dale Carnegie principles were first introduced to me, at least in part. Years later during 1999, I attended the Dale Carnegie school and coursework introducing me again to the Dale Carnegie method and principles. I will be detailing only one principle a week in a shorter post in order to for you to digest the information. This series may be reviewed at All the Principles in One Post
A Formula That Will Work Wonders for You
Others may be totally wrong but do not think so. Anyone can condemn them but only wise, tolerant, exceptional people try to understand their point of view. Try to ferret out the reason the others think and act so that you will discover the key to their actions or personality. Many greats like Roosevelt and Lincoln grasp the solid foundation that success in dealing with people depends on a sympathetic grasp of another's point of view.
The single major point Dale Carnegie insist on making in his body of works is to try to see things from another's point of view. This may quickly prove to be the stepping stone of your career.
Principle 17: Try to Honestly See Things from the Other Person's Point of View.
What Everybody Wants
Use this one phrase to eliminate ill will, create good will, stop arguments, and cause the other person to stop and listen, "I do not blame you one iota for feeling that way. I would undoubtedly feel the same way." You say this to the most cantankerous old prude with sincerity and it will soften the situation. Everyone deserves credit for their being. More importantly, those who come to you irritated, bigoted, unreasonable, deserve very little discredit as you should be empathetic and sympathize. For all intents and purposes by the grace of God, you go too.
Of the people you meet, 75% are starving for sympathy. Give sympathy to them and they will love you. If you want to win people to your way of thinking, put into practice sympathy.
Principle 18: Be Sympathetic to the Other Person's Ideas and Desires.
An Appeal that Everyone Likes
Everyone, I mean everyone, has a high regard for themselves being fine and unselfish in their own estimation. There seems to be two reasons that motivate people to an end; one that sounds good and the other one that is actual. You do not need to emphasize the real reason as the person will most definitely think of that one. However, being idealist at heart we think of motives that sound good. So in order to influence people we need to appeal to the nobler cause.
Is that too ideological for work or business? NO! Always appeal to the nobler cause. For example, a politician discovered that a unflattering picture of him was being published. His appeal to the publisher was not about his disdain for the photo but instead it appealed to the nobler cause of motherhood. Told the publisher his mother did not like the photo.
People always look to the nobler example, cause, or appeal. Be forthright in your dealings and;
Principle 19: Appeal to Nobler Motives
The Movies Do It. TV Does it. Why Don't You Do It?
Carnegie begins with an example of a newspaper that was undergoing a hostile whisper campaign that it carried too many ads and very little content. Advertisers feared that the newspaper was no longer attractive to readers. The newspaper had to react quickly. They dramatized the content on a daily basis by printing a book that contained all the news stories of that day. They sold this competitively at substantially lower prices than a comparable book.
Truths are not enough. The truth has to be vivid, interesting, and dramatic. You have to use showmanship if you want attention. You must dramatize your ideas in business and in life. Be exciting, emphasize, fluctuate your voice, be animated, be interesting, and draw attention to you and your ideas.
Principle 20: Dramatize Your Ideas
When Nothing Else Works, Try This
Appeal to people of spirit by stimulating their desire to excel. Create competition. Every successful person loves the game, the chance at self-expression, the chance to prove his worth, to win. This is the underpinning of any contest. Ultimately, this is a feeling of importance.
Principle 21: Throw Down a Challenge
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