Three Ways to Get People to Like You, The Dale Carnegie Method

Commentary: This is the second in a series of the review of Dale Carnegie's book 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'. This program is attractive to professional relationships due to it's time tested advice for those moving up the ladder of success. I have been introduced to Dale Carnegie training not once but twice. I attended Naval Aviation Officer Candidate School or AOCS during 1988 through which Dale Carnegie principles were first introduced to me, at least in part. Years later during 1999, I attended the Dale Carnegie school and coursework introducing me again to the Dale Carnegie method and principles. This series  may be reviewed at All the Principles in One Post

Do This and You Will Be Welcome Anywhere

Dale Carnegie starts off discussing the best friend in the world, the dog. He begins with this allegory to make the point that a person's best friend does not try sell anything, marry anyone, or otherwise attempts to gain something. The dog does not train on psychology. A person's best friend is simply happy to see them. He is genuinely interested in people, in you. Carnegie concludes that you can make more friends in two months being interested in other people than you can trying to get other people interested in you.

Carnegie cites a famous Viennese, Alfred Adler, "It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring."

Carnegie then proceeds through a series of examples where successful people demonstrated in various ways interest in others achieving various positive results. He cites the Roman poet, Phiblilius Syrus, "We are interested in others when they are interested in us."

Carnegie concludes that if you want others to like you, if you want to develop real friendships, if you want to help others at the same time as you help yourself, keep this principle in mind:

Principle 4: Become genuinely interested in other people

The Simple Way to Make a Good Impression

Carnegie points out that the expression on one's face is far more important than the clothes on one's back. He discusses a series of examples in which the expressions on people's face affect the outcomes of circumstances. He concluded that the effect of a smile even unseen is powerful. Carnegie believes that one's internal state is worn on the face and comes through in voice as well as actions.

Action do not follow feelings. They go hand in hand. Carnegie relates back to his earlier principles of do not criticize, seeing things from other viewpoints, creating eager want, and being genuinely interested in other people as pivotal to the internal state. The process begins with you and results in the expression you wear. The goal is to wear a smile.

Carnegie cites a Chinese proverb, " A man without a smiling face must not open a shop." The smile is a messenger of good will. The smile, your smile brightens lives. Carnegie presents a retails stores homely philosophy. I have adapted the smile philosophy.

It costs nothing but gives much,
It enriches those who receive it without impoverishing those who give it,
It happens in a flash and the memory lasts sometimes forever,
No one is so rich they can get along without it,
No one is so poor that they are not enriched by it,
It creates happiness in the home,
It fosters good will in business,
And it is countersign of friends,
It is rest to the weary,
It is daylight to the discouraged,
It is sunshine to the sad,
And natures best antidote for trouble,
Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen,
It is something that has no Earthly value until it is given away,
In the last minute of life's rush some people may be too tired to give it,
May you leave one of yours,
For nobody needs it so much as those who have none left to give,
It is a smile.

Principle 5: Smile

If you don't do this you are headed for trouble

Dale Carnegie goes through a series of examples demonstrating how congeniality and addressing people by name yielded unexpected results. The common thread was the use of peoples name in correspondences, when greeting them, and in business. Remembering names in business or any relations is pivotal to moving foreword, forget names and be vanquished into oblivion.

The rules are simple for getting and remembering names. The first rule ask for their name or scan for it on nameplates, tags, or plaques. The second rule is if you do not hear it or cannot make it out, ask them to repeat the name. The third rule is to repeat their name back to them to clarify the annunciation. Finally, in remembering names there are numerous techniques. Of the techniques, pegging and creating semaphores are the most common methods.

The name sets people apart. It makes them unique from all others. Names work magic with all people.

Principle 6: A person's name is the sweetest and most important sound in any language. Use people's name when addressing them and in business.

Commentary: These principles may sound commonsense but many people simply overlook them. Wearing a smile actually takes work if it has not been performed naturally. One has to consciously, look in the mirror, drive the smile or else it will revert to the former state. The smile will not naturally remain until you change yourself internally. Only then will you wear the smile naturally. Changing your internal make up requires you to change thought patterns. There are numerous self-help and counseled programs that assist in this process. But it all comes down to you becoming putting all these principles into practice.  As this transformation takes place the smile will become more evident.   

References:

Carnegie, D. (1981). How to win friends and influence people. New York: Pocket Books.